23: What to say, when you don’t know what to say

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Have you been at a loss for words? When the conversation is tense and you need to communicate in a way that you both can truly hear what is being said the words can be hard to find. Being effective with your communication in this scenario can be difficult, it can often seem like everyone is talking but no one is listening and nothing of value is being said

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When you say the right thing, you can get the conversation back on track. Getting heard and truly hearing each other is hard to do when your mind and body is preoccupied with all the emotions that are vying for your brains’ attention.

Like most things in life, however, these types of conversations, the difficult ones, are unavoidable and because of that, they are downright necessary.

What you’ll hear in this podcast:

  • When we having a difficult or tense conversation, your defenses will more than likely be up, and when you are talking to someone else who is defensive, you are triggered by their defensiveness. Defensiveness brings out defensiveness.
  • When you feel confronted and defensive it is our instinct to protect ourselves and this can lead to saying the wrong thing, being mean or dismissive and escalating an already tense situation.
  • We all have an emotion language. These are verbal cues that people give us, and that we give others
  • Emotion language is instinctive
  • We all have a particular way that we learn best, take in information and process that information. There are three main way’s and they are
    • Auditory – by sound like this podcast here
    • Kinesthetic – by feeling or doing
    • And Visual – by seeing or through pictures, videos
  • Communication is complex, and because it is complex you have to be mindful of shiny objects, the shiny object and main way that communication is derailed is by emphaticals’.
    • An emphatical is when someone uses language like; you always, or I never
  • Reframe your statement using their emotion language.
  • The Kinesthetic emotion language person says that doesn’t feel right, or I can’t get a handle on that,
  • Only 5% of the population has a kinesthetic emotion language.
  • We all have an emotion language that is informed by our way of learning or taking in information;
    • 65% are Visual learners
    • 30% are Auditory learners &
    • 5% are Kinesthetic learners

Show Intro music is Whispering Through by Asura


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  • Know what to say - when you don’t know what to say