16: The Perfectionist – Mastering the Art of Conflict
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Conflict Personality types are inherent to the individual and show up in full force during a difficult conversation and kick into overdrive during a conflict. There are four Conflict Personality Types, the Pleaser, the Perfectionist, the Avoider and the Victim.
Conflict gets a bad rap because so many people “do” it wrong. They struggle with how to deal with conflict the right way. Or they just plain view conflict as something that is a negative and should be avoided at all cost. This is black or white thinking and it can keep you stagnant and frozen in old patterns that do not serve you.
There are some things that are inherent in conflict; we assume something, we feel something, we judge something, and we expect something.
The perfectionist personality type will approach conflict in two ways, by micromanaging or controlling some ‘thing’ that they see a potential problem with and by trying to be perfect in what they do using some internal metric in order to head off a conflict or be perceived in a certain way. Whether you are a perfectionist or are dealing with one, learn the skills needed to successfully navigate conflict with ease and intention.
What you’ll hear in this podcast:
- There are 4 conflict personality types. The pleaser, the perfectionist, the avoider and the victim
- A perfectionist will often try to control a situation or the outcome, or try to be ‘perfect’ using some internal metric they have established for themselves
- There are 4 components in every conflict. Assumptions, judgments, expectations and emotions
- When you understand how people act & react from their conflict personality type stance, you can understand, navigate and even avoid conflict altogether
- Our greatest weakness is our strengths overplayed
- There are 4 phases to a conflict, the triggering event, an assumption about intention, your reaction, and the outcome (often negative)
- We often try to mind-read and predict what someone intends or how they will react in a conflict
- Identify what you can and cannot control
- Stay on your side of the fence and do not rescue someone from natural consequences
- Protect your boundaries
- Respect others boundaries
- Not all situations can be controlled, changed or ‘perfect’
- Silence, not responding, responding ‘opposite-to-action’ are valuable tools when your conflict personality type I triggered
- Keep your focus on your intention
- You can only control your actions and reactions
- Look back on previous conflicts or difficult conversations to gain insight into how you act and react and come up with a plan for the next time. Look back, to move forward
Show Intro music is Whispering Through by Asura
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