13: The Pleaser – Mastering the Art of Conflict

Can you master the art of conflict? You can. When you have the communication skills, the knowledge and the practice putting those skills to use, you can master the art of conflict. And it is an Art. There are four conflict personality types, these personality types have certain traits that you can identify and learn to navigate in conflict for a positive outcome. Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be hard. On this episode, we look at the conflict personality type of a Pleaser.

What you’ll hear in this podcast:

There are 4 main Conflict Personality Types; the Pleaser, the Perfectionist, the Avoider and the Victim
Conflict is healthy Conflict is inevitable
Conflict is important for personal growth Effective conflict must have effective communication
Most people are “doing” conflict wrong
There are 4 things in every conflict An assumption A judgment An expectation A feeling
Know the way you act, and react, in a conflict
You can predict the way a Pleaser will act, and react, in a conflict
A Pleaser will; Try to “fix” a perceived problem
May try to fix you
Will try to please you, even to the detriment of themselves
May infringe on or overstep your boundaries
Natural Consequences are critical for personal growth
A Pleaser is;
Great at mediating
Can see many sides to an issue
Creates unity on a team
May be able to predict how others will react
Not every situation can be fixed
Not every person can be pleased
When a Pleaser ‘overthinks’ about a potential conflict they can get stuck in a loop that will make them physically ill
Trying to predict every eventuality is a zero-sum game
Fear brings focus to the mind
Your body keeps the score and ruminating on conflict can make you physically ill Know what is in your scope of control and what is not Leave room for the other person to process and think
Don’t overstep the boundaries of, or take advantage of, a Pleaser
Keep your focus on your intention
Have only one intention during a difficult conversation
Leave room for silence, time and space
Always speak with respect Don’t use inflammatory words or phrases
Resources:

Information on Workshops

Book Difficult Happens: How Triggers Boundaries & Emotions Impact YOU Everyday

Lara’s YouTube Channel – Lots of great Quick Tips!

Work with Lara

How to Deal with Difficult Clients Workshop

Quotes:

I am a special snowflake – Amy Lang

Your greatest weakness is your strengths overplayed – Gramma Tiny