13: Mastering the Art of Conflict – The Pleaser

Can you master the art of conflict? You can. When you have the communication skills, the knowledge and the practice putting those skills to use, you can master the art of conflict. And it is an Art. There are four conflict personality types, these personality types have certain traits that you can identify and learn to navigate in conflict for a positive outcome. Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be hard. On this episode, we look at the conflict personality type of a Pleaser.

What you’ll hear in this podcast:

• There are 4 main Conflict Personality Types; the Pleaser, the Perfectionist, the Avoider and the Victim
• Conflict is healthy
• Conflict is inevitable
• Conflict is important for personal growth
• Effective conflict must have effective communication
• Most people are “doing” conflict wrong
• There are 4 things in every conflict
  • An assumption
  • A judgment
  • An expectation
  • A feeling
• Know the way you act, and react, in a conflict
• You can predict the way a Pleaser will act, and react, in a conflict
• A Pleaser will;
  • Try to “fix” a perceived problem
  • May try to fix you
  • Will try to please you, even to the detriment of themselves
  • May infringe on, or overstep, your boundaries
• Natural Consequences are critical for personal growth
• A Pleaser is;
  • Great at mediating
  • Can see many sides to an issue
  • Creates unity on a team
  • May be able to predict how others will react
• Not every situation can be fixed
• Not every person can be pleased
• When a Pleaser ‘overthinks’ about a potential conflict they can get stuck in a loop that will make them physically ill
• Trying to predict every eventuality is a zero-sum game
• Fear brings focus to the mind
• Your body keeps the score and ruminating on conflict can make you physically ill
• Know what is in your scope of control and what is not
• Leave room for the other person to process and think
• Don’t overstep the boundaries of, or take advantage of, a Pleaser
• Keep your focus on your intention
• Have only one intention during a difficult conversation
• Leave room for silence, time and space
• Always speak with respect
• Don’t use inflammatory words or phrases

Resources:

Information on Workshops

Book Difficult Happens: How Triggers Boundaries & Emotions Impact YOU Everyday

Lara’s YouTube Channel – Lots of great Quick Tips!

Work with Lara

How to Deal with Difficult Clients Workshop

Quotes:

I am a special snowflake – Amy Lang

Your greatest weakness is your strengths overplayed – Gramma Tiny

Show Intro music is Whispering Through by Asura